Kids' Stuff

I've been assigned the task of doing some childish and playful things from time to time. As a preschool teacher, of course I have a few ideas of my own but most of mine are designed for small groups rather than for one sole person/child. My immediate ideas are: blowing bubbles, coloring in a coloring book, drawing (free-hand), making a collage.

I know a lot of you either work with children, have children or just know about them and what they like to do. And so I come to you.

What childish playful activities can you suggest that I can do alone? Or, possibly, with one other person? (REAL suggestions only, please! No teasing!)

What's it called?

WARNING: IF YOU ARE NIKI OR TANYA (MY FELLOW BOOK CLUBBERS) PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POST UNLESS YOU WANT A COMPLETE SPOILER OF APRIL'S BOOK!!! CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!

Last night I began reading a new book for my book club. It's actually a book I've been wanting to read for a couple years now, I've just never gotten around to it until now.

As I read the first chapter, I got hooked immediately. But I was also confused. There were a couple of words used casually as if I am supposed to already know what they meant in the context of the book. (Notice I'm not telling you the title or the words in question...I don't want to give anything away, nor do I want to distract from the actual point of this post...my forthcoming question.) I mentioned it casually to Pete as we were brushing our teeth and otherwise getting ready for bed but he wasn't sure why the author used such words in such a context either. I was sure the reasoning would eventually be revealed as I read further in the book.

I crawled into bed and read a couple more chapters, my curiosity still growing and still no explanation about the words! So I sort of cheated...

Near the front of the book is the publisher's page where all the important legal text is printed and where we've all gotten the essential bibliography details for the citations pages of our essays and papers in college. I use this page often when I'm choosing a new book to read. I usually only use it to find out what year the book was originally published, just out of curiosity.

But there's this other part of that page, several lines below all of that, where details are given as to how and where exactly the particular book is stored in the Library of Congress. (My mom told me once that the Library of Congress has a copy of every book ever published in the history of the printed word! Anyone know if this is really true or not?) It's got the good ole Dewey Decimal system's numbers and such. But then there's the juicy part that I used last night. It's sort of a listing of "tags" or specific words about which the book is written. It's usually just below the ISBN number. It looks something like this:

1. Women - Fiction. 2. England - Fiction. 3. Cloning - Fiction. 4. Organ donors - Fiction. 5. Donation of organs, tissues, etc. - Fiction.

Well, HELL! Once I read that, I completely understood why the author used the mysterious words (which are "carer" and "donor"). Apparently, the tale is about cloning! Honestly, I was just curious when I looked up that info above! I didn't want the secret subject revealed to me so soon! What a spoiler! I hate spoilers! Sure, it will make reading the book easier to understand but on the other hand, I'll miss out on the anticipation of finding out just what was really going on in this story. And that's sort of what the book is about: what was really going on back then?! Alas, I already know! >:( I am so annoyed. Of course, I'll continue to read and enjoy the book. It'll just make it easier since I have a general idea of what's going on. I guess I'll be reading it not with blinders on but instead I'll be coming at it from a different angle, in a way. I'm still kinda bummed out about that, though.

So here's where I get to my real question: what is that part of the book called? The part that looks like an outline where I got the spoiler info? Do any of you know?

Phooey on that part of the book for offering up such a spoiler!

Is There Anybody Out There?

I feel horrible. Yesterday I felt really good! I had a great night's sleep and had a big burst of energy that came and went throughout the day. I think I pushed it a little too hard in the late afternoon and evening though. Usually I don't get that energy burst until Pete gets home from work around 5:00. Then we spend a couple hours together running errands, getting things done around the house, or even just playing with the dogs and stuff. What I think happened though is with my burst of energy that started around noon, I just kept going and going. I'd stop every now and then for a rest but mostly I was on the move getting things done. I was happy and moving and I felt healthy! Then Pete got home and we continued to do stuff together.
But at bedtime last night, I couldn't shut off my brain and my liver hurt real bad. With the pain, I had to slow my body down without a choice. But my brain was making me nuts! I kept getting up and writing things down on my To Do lists: one for today and the other for the weekend. It was almost manic-feeling. Needless to say, I did not sleep well at all.

Before I started this post, I drew up three emails, each to either Pete or a friend, and I started to tell them all of the above. Then I closed and canceled all those emails, thinking, "They are busy. They don't need to know all this. I'll just wait until it comes up later or until they bring it up. What good will it do for me to email them all this now? No good at all." So that's why I drew up this post because I realized that all I want is to TELL SOMEOnE how awful I feel and why! I just want to moan and complain a little bit. Nobody can do anything about it and I know that it will get better in time...I just need to rest and take it easy today. I have obligations...not so much obligations but plans with friends and family tonight that I don't want to miss but if I don't take care of myself today, then I won't be able to go play tonight.

I am ALWAYS canceling on shit! It makes me so mad! I'm so frustrated with my body (not to mention my ever-failing memory that seems to be deteriorating more and more every single day!) because I just can't keep up with other people. Sure, I take walks and get "active" and stuff but I need a heck of a lot more rest anyway. And obviously, if I don't monitor my activity level very carefully, then I crash and burn like this today and have to spend a whole day or two recuperating. That's when I have to cancel on people and they say they understand but I know deep down I must be disappointing them so much. They'll stop depending on me. Eventually, they'll probably just stop inviting me to do stuff at all!

Sometimes I think it's all just in my head: that I'm just hiding out like a hermit at home and becoming ever more anti-social, maybe even agoraphobic at times. Cause when I do go out and interact with salespeople or walk amongst the characters at the mall and such (where we walked the other evening just for a change of pace - no pun intended), I seem to complain about people more than ever. People are interesting and I love interacting with other people, I really do. But the ones that stand out the most to me are the ones that piss me off! Why is that? Is it me or is it them? Or is that just human nature??? Do other people feel this way? I try to feel and send out energy full of love and compassion when I'm in public but mostly, people out there are rude and completely self-centered. Or maybe I'm being that way...?

Whatever. You get my point. My body fails me and all I can do is complain and sleep. Yes while I'm resting I can play my DS or Wii games that will help improve my memory. that's a good idea Pete came up with last night. And people can always come over to my house and visit with me if I don't feel like getting up and out, sure. But that's not what I want. I want a friend to call me up on the phone and say, "Hey, wanna come over?!" and I'll say, "Hell ya!" then grab the car keys, set the alarm and drive on over to play with my friend! Sit in the kitchen over a cup of tea and catch up. Or make papercrafts like Niki and I have been trying to do for weeks (guess who keeps canceling?). Or go sleepover with the new girls in my family (Carol and her daughters and their kids...that's tonight and I don't know if I can make it! >:( ).

I feel disabled.

I feel broken.

I feel awful.

Sure, I could always just give up and stop taking some of these meds that cause me to feel this way but to me, that is not even an option, really. After all this crappiness and all this complaining, all this time spent on the couch instead of in the sunlight, all this cancelling and regretting it...I'll continue to do it just so I can LIVE. And I know it's not just all the drugs that are making me feel this way. It's the damn tumor and my body fighting it and doing it's job and all I can do...should do...is take a step back and allow it to do its job. The best way I can do that is to spend more time resting. And if the people I love to spend time with but I keep having to cancel on don't understand it then...well...I don't know what. There are alternatives, I know there are. I just can't think of any right now.

I'm too damn tired.

Improving my Life

I'm working on improving my life. I just haven't been taking very good care of myself lately. I've dropped a lot of weight and I was so thrilled by it that I neglected to care that I lost a lot of muscle mass, too. The better I eat, the better my blood work looks and the better my chemo works, too.
So Friday at chemo, I wrote a list of goals I want to achieve. The list has 23 items on it but I'm no fool...I do not intend to work on all of them at one time: that's just setting myself up for disappointment! Right now my main goals are to 1) walk at least three times a week and 2) start improving my diet.
Now that the weather is beginning to improve, I'm getting these lazy dogs up off the couch and taking turns walking each of them on different days. Sometimes, when Pete gets home, we walk together with both dogs then I come in and rest while he either continues walking outside or goes downstairs to sweat it out on the treadmill. Anyway, the walking will increase my strength and discipline so that I can tackle more of my strength-building/working out goals (like yoga, swimming workouts and lots of other things at the rec center...). It'll be a nice chain reaction.
I got this great cookbook that explains, in easy terms, exactly what the good parts are of lots of different foods (fruits, veggies, beans, etc.) and why they are so beneficial for cancer patients. I'm reading it and taking notes! In order to be successful at something, I really need to LEARN about it. Knowledge is power, right? Once I finish the reading and note taking and studying parts, I'll go through the recipe sections and flag the ones I'm willing to try or that just sound good to me. Pete has already agreed to be open-minded and try many of these recipes with me. If I do the prep work, he says he'll gladly cook for me! (Especially when I'm feeling down and out.)
It's going to take baby steps. I know that. I know what works for me. So I've already begun to take better care of myself! Yay!

Don't laugh when he says, "My cancer hurts!"

There is this pathetically hilarious South Park episode in which a little boy is in the hospital hooked up to all sorts of machines, and he says in a very cute but weary voice, "Ugh. My cancer hurts."
The first few times I saw that scene I cracked up! I thought it was so cute how he said it and just the way he said it was sort of like he was referring to a simple broken finger but in reality he was talking about his very serious disease!
This morning my liver was hurting but I knew it wasn't actually my liver but instead it was the tumor on my liver that hurt so I said to Pete, "Ow. My cancer hurts." Then I started discussing with him how I thought I was getting payback (ie. bad karma) for having laughed so much at that line in that old South Park so many years ago. I know this isn't really true but I couldn't help but think about it!

This afternoon...right now...this cancer really sucks. It DOES hurt and especially lot today. I feel like I just want to crawl out of my skin for a little while because it's so uncomfortable in here. I'm swollen and I ache in various places. I feel hot though I don't have a temperature....basically all those lovely things that come with the magical juice of chemotherapy. My nurse last week warned me that the second weekend would probably be worse than the first. That doesn't really make sense to me since Reality has always shown me that things like chemo begin to run out of the body as soon as it's stopped being put in, right? By that rationale, then, by the second weekend, I shouldn't have as much in me as I did last week, right? Maybe she wasn't really talking about how much chemo was or would be INSIDE me, rather, she may have been referring to the fact that while the chemo's in there, the tumor soaks it up and then the chemo proceeds to kick its ass repeatedly and in a hard core fashion. Once the chemo starts to filter out, some of it is still in there walloping away on the Big Nasty. Not to mention the fact that the chemo stays in my body far longer than a week! So I'm not saying I expect it to be gone by now. I guess I just expected to feel better by now. Instead, I feel worse.
I'll take it, though. It's a small price to pay for saving my life. I repeat that to myself every day, especially when things get hard like this. I have to postpone plans I've made for the day or the weekend. I have lots of ideas of many things I'd like to do but physically, I MUST accept the fact that I CANNOT do them at this time! Today I wanted to go furniture shopping at American Furniture (our fave!). Plus we have movie tickets already reserved for tonight (Percy Jackson and the Olympians' The Lightning Thief - we both read the book). Already today I went with Pete to drop Scarlett off at the "baby doctor" (read: vet) for her comprehensive exam (she gets it every 6 months and spends most of the day there) and we chilled out at Starbucks over pastries for breakfast on the way home. Once here, we had a few small tasks to take care of and in a sudden burst of energy, I decided to FINALLY clean out the boxes in our living room! After all of that, my body yelled STOP IMMEDIATELY! So my dear, sweet prince of a husband offered to go to American Furniture to purchase and bring home the pieces we've been wanting. I just did not feel like I could muster up the strength to go. So we looked them up online to be sure he knew what he was going to bring back to me and then off he went!

Now Dobby (who seems to actually be getting worried about where his sister is now that she's been gone all day...it was fun to get rid of her at first but now he wants his Barking Buddy back to play with him!) and I going to, well, retreat in our bedroom retreat and try to take a nap so that I can make it to the movie tonight. I just have to take it one day at a time.

That's just what happens when my cancer hurts.

Bye Bye, Garnet?

I'm thinking of ditching my Garnet nickname.
I've had it for years...a very long, many years and of course I love it. I collect and study crystals and garnet happens to be one of my favorites, which is why I gave myself that nickname. Those of you who met me in the chatrooms of IRC several years ago knew me as Garnet and called me that, and/or several variations of it: Garnie, Garnetto, Garlic, Gerkin, etc. Most of the rest of you just know that's how I sign my name at the end of these blog posts and I also have an email address (one of many!) that begins with garnet.

It was serendipitous when we moved from Fort Collins to Denver and just happened to fall in love with a house on Garnet Place (which we bought and owned for five + years and are currently in the process of selling it...we close on Tuesday! YAY!). I felt really special living at that address!

But with us moving out of and selling that house on Garnet Place and my days in the chatrooms are long over, everybody seems to just know me as Abbey on my Facebook page, in emails and even here on my blog (no matter how I sign my posts!).

Since Pete and I technically met in the chatroom, of course he and I will always have a special place in our hearts for each others' nicknames (while I was Garnet, he was House). But we don't call each other those names in real life. Obviously, you can tell from the title of this blog, we just call each other Honey! (which is why, when Pete posts on here, he refers to me as Mrs. Honey. You should see how we label our Christmas gifts to each other! It's almost chaotic!)

So over the course of the next week or so, I'll be changing some small parts of this blog by changing my author's name from Garnet to Abbey and my email address from garnet@myhoneyandme.com to abbey@myhoneyandme.com, and whatever else I find my old nickname otherwise attached.

The name Abigail means 'her father's joy,' which I know I am because my Daddy won't ever let me forget it! And, clearly, it's spelled differently than most other Abbys people know. My mom told me long ago that she chose to spell my name differently not only because she knew that I was and going to grow into a unique person but also because she was a HUGE GINORMOUS Beatles fan (and all things British) and of course she loved the Abbey Road album and so...such a spelling was formed!

I'm proud to be my father's joy and my mother's unique child of the Beatles' era!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Dear Seamus, I suspect this will bother you more than anyone else reading this post! So if you wish to continue to call me Garnet, you may. Though only you can. And maybe you're just as comfortable referring to me as Abbey so the choice is wholly yours!)

I don't have a title for this one

I'm still recovering from Friday's chemo treatment. It really did a number on me this time, though I'm not sure why since my doc reduced the amount of the drugs I got in order to increase the frequency of administration. Whatever. It's a mystery I'm still learning to let go.
I'm also still learning to let go of the feeling that I absolutely MUST be DOING something every single day! It's okay if I take one day off, especially if it's a Sunday, where I lie around and do nothing because I feel like I got run over by a large truck. But then the next day rolls around and I still feel like I need to get up and get going and accomplish something...or else!
What I keep asking myself, though, is: Or else what?!?! I'll get in trouble? I'll get grounded? I won't be able to sleep that night because I wasn't active enough during the day (Pete has brought my attention to the fact that that is no longer the case since I have no trouble getting to sleep most nights!)? I don't know what it is (okay, I actually do) but I still inflict this strong sense of guilt on myself if I don't accomplish every day. Though it is getting better. The guilt is subsiding the more I think about it.
Yesterday I finally came to terms with the fact that, unless I have an appointment to keep, I am not really able to be up and energetic in the mornings until about 10:30 or 11. Yesterday I kept falling asleep as I ate breakfast and other such relaxing morning routines so I asked Pete for "permission" to take it easy all day (sometimes this helps me let go of the self-inflicted unnecessary guilt) and of course he said to "go for it." As soon as I had his permission (which I know I really don't need), I was up and moving and full of energy all of a sudden! Not manic and crazily cleaning out every corner of the house. Just up and able to work on some of the items on my daily to-do list. I move slowly and gently with my body as I do these things but I was able to get quite a bit done.
So I've accepted that fact that even though I get up around 7am most mornings, I'm really not active until 11. No big deal.

My legs are swelling up again so I'm doubling up my diuretic (per doctor's approval, of course). Blah blah blah...enter list of repeated side effects here. BOrrrrring!

In other news I'm getting a new laptop tomorrow. That is, if Dell didn't lie to me when they told me it would be delivered on the 10th! *cross fingers*

I am now an avid/obsessed fan/collector of Fiestaware dishes and such accessories! Being as OCD as I am, though, I had to get 8 4-piece diningware sets to start off with; each in a different color: tangerine, sunflower, shamrock, peacock, plum, cobalt, scarlet (!!), lemongrass. And a simple scarlet-colored S&P shaker set. Each diningware set is MSRP'ed at $48 but I've found a website that sells them at half price (brand new and in their original boxes, of course!) and sometimes Kohl's or Macy's has a BOGO sale on them, which is almost like paying half price. All the other pieces I want I will just keep an eye on when/if they happen to cross my path. Also, they can serve as great items to fill my Christmas lists!

The gnat infestation of our home is now under control. The kitchen turned into a greenhouse for well over a week as I replaced the top inch or two of soil in each potted plant with new, MICROWAVED (in order to kill the gnats that came in the new soil) soil. I also transplanted a couple into new pots to further their growth. And then Pete brought home a new one (a palm) from Home Depot which was, of course, already harboring a healthy amount of its own gnats! Repotted that one with sanitized, gnat-free soil. We hung up fly-catcher tapes around the house to catch any that lingering guys that are/were still flying around. I ended up having to just take all the plants outside and spraying them down with that pesticide I mentioned in an earlier post. That is, after I did all the other treatments. Here's a tip: DO NOT use the isoprophyl alcohol-in-the-soil technique I mentioned in that post! Apparently I used too much in one of my favorite plants (a peace lily) and caused it to waver on the brink of death for a few days until I removed that newly treated soil and replaced it with clean, gnat-free and alcohol-free soil. A couple days later it began perking up again! Yay!
I love my green thumbs!
Pete also brought home a tiny pot of Venus Fly traps but now that we don't have any gnats to feed it, I'm not sure how it will survive! Time will tell, I suppose.

Coming up:
Tuesday the 15th I see my doctor for a regular visit and I have a routine CT scan
Friday the 19th I'm back in for another round of chemo...then back onto that two-week schedule, as long as my "counts" are good enough.

I'll be back as soon as I get my new puter and it's up and running! Oh boy!

Double UGH

Doctor up and changed my chemo schedule on me: going back to two weeks instead of three. Apparently, we do this so as to keep the tumor guessing. We don't want it to get used to the same ole chemo every three weeks and learn to adapt, you know? So on Friday I got Gemzar and Avastin (plus a couple of pre-meds) and while it was fun not having to be there all day long, I suddenly feel like I've been hit and repeatedly run over by a Mack truck!!! Aches and pains...all because the chemo's doing it's thing. I can handle it. I can adapt. I just haven't felt this way in a quite a long time. I've been quite productive over the weekends lately but this weekend suddenly I've had to slam on the brakes! I get up to do stuff and a half hour later I must collapse on the couch for an hour or so just to regain some energy. I've been sleeping okay in bed at night but I'm still dead tired during the day.

It sort of feels like I'm just starting chemo for the very first time...all over again. Gee, that's fun.

To the sofa I go now...!

Here's a Valuable Tip...

If you just happen to want to try out the new pizza restaurant in town called the Mellow Mushroom and, since you've never been there before, you inconveniently forget the exact name of the place, do not, I repeat, DO NOT go to Google and search for 'magic mushroom pizza denver'!!!! Trust me. I learned the hard way that 'magic mushroom' and 'pizza' results in an entirely different part of this world than the results from searching 'mellow mushroom pizza'!

And if you just happen to have a Mellow Mushroom restaurant within reasonable driving distance from where you live, I highly suggest that you go there and enjoy what I think is the best pizza I've ever had!!!! And what a cool atmosphere, too! Sure, the decor seemed to cater to us 30-somethings but there were just as many (if not more) families with young kids and babies as there were us 30-somethings.

Check out their very tasty menu!

Mmmmmm I'm super glad I have leftovers. And I'm even more glad they have absolutely nothing to do with magic, too! Whew!

The Attack of the Killer Gnats!

My house is infested by gnats and it's driving me insane!!!! Every time I sit down, anywhere in my house, at least one gnat will come flittering around my face. It's annoying and terribly disgusting! Not to mention how many dead gnats end up just lying around the house! Even though I clean them up and sanitize the area as soon as I see any dead ones, it's still completely gross!

I looked up how to cure this problem using common household (preferrably natural) products. First I poured bleach down all the sink and shower and bathtub drains every night for about four nights, hoping to kill any live adults and their eggs that may be down there (yes, I even poured into that overflow hole, opposite the faucet in the sinks). And still, no decrease in the gnats.

Next I narrowed the problem down to my many, beautiful houseplants. Over the weekend, I cleared off the kitchen island, covered it in plastic garbage bags and gathered all of my more portable plants there. I placed 12 small bowls of fruit juice within each plant, hoping to attract and drown as many adult gnats as possible. After a couple of days, though, I only found two or three dead guys in each bowl with just the same amount as usual flying around the house still! How obnoxious!!!

I started this yesterday and am still working on this project but what I'm doing now is pretty complex. We hung a few of those nasty sticky fly paper trap thingies in the areas where we've seen the most gnats. Then I started working on the plants. For each one I'm digging through the leaves, removing as much of the dead leaves and other dead plant matter as possible (there's not that much because I really do keep my plants happy and healthy). Then I'm scooping out about an inch of the top layer of the existing soil, which also holds random dead and degrading leaves, twigs, etc. and throwing that away. Then I microwave large bowls full of new potting soil. Of course, as soon as I opened each new bag of potting soil, two dozen new gnats came flying out! GACK! So I kept those bags closed as much as possible in between 'nuking' sessions. The purpose of microwaving the soil is to radiate and kill any living gnats and/or their eggs within it. Also, it dries out the new soil, which usually comes pretty damp in the packaging. After the zapping is done (about three minutes), I take it out, stir it up and mix in a few tablespoons of Isopropyl Alcohol (also to kill adults and eggs and hopefully making it an unattractive place for future generations to move in!). Then I pack in that new soil on top of the now cleaned-off surface of each plant. Pack it in tightly.

This last step I'm about to describe I've done only on three plants so far and I'm not sure I like it. I packed in some play sand on top of that new, clean, treated soil. This is to prevent any surviving adults from accessing the dirt to lay more eggs. They just can't get through the sand. Unfortunately, after I packed it in tightly and then tested how it would work when I water the plants, I very lightly watered (with scented dish soap within the water...again to kill, kill, kill!) one plant, only to watch the sand expand, move up and expose much of the soil beneath it, thereby making the sand technique completely futile!

I just need to find something else to use instead of the sand to put atop the new clean soil in order to prevent these little buggers from climbing in to make more babies to drive me even more insane! I thought about using very small pea gravel but these guys are so tiny, I'm sure they'll just climb in between the little rocks to get to their destination. So now I'm wondering, maybe you can help!? Do any of you have any suggestions?

The orchid plant is the worst, of course, because the pot it's planted in sits within a deep tray full of river rocks and water in order to provide at least a little bit of constant humidity (which is really important in our dry Colorado air!). Right now, I've got the tray and rocks cleaned out and soaking in a bleach water solution - don't worry, this water and these rocks never touch the plant or its soil so it won't harm the plant, even though I intend to rinse the rocks thoroughly. When I'm done cleaning out the plant's pot, I intend to refill its rocky base, then wrap the tray up to the bottom of the plant with a plastic bag. I'll also drape the plant itself with a clear plastic bag, which I did last year in order to produce flowers because right now it's just a very long green stalk! LOL These plastic bags will also (hopefully) trap in the gnats that obviously looooooove the orchid's wet, swampy living conditions!

I really want to stay away from the bottle of spray heavy duty pesticide Pete brought home for me from Home Depot but last night as I was taking a shower and I witnessed a half dozen gnats around out bathroom, I was about ready to crack that bottle open, kick the dogs and cats out of the room and start fumigating the bathroom!!! I'll finish this work on all these plants throughout the week and then see if the gnat problem decreases at all. If it doesn't then on the next warm day, I'll take them each out one by one to the back porch and spray the nasty pesticide all over them (according to the directions of course). Fortunately, our cats have grown out of paying much attention (if any at all) to the plants and they are all elevated too high for the dogs to reach...but I'll still keep a close eye on them to make sure none of our pets try to inspect the plants after (and if) I use that nasty stuff. This is all a big fat MAYBE, though. I'm praying hard for all my current efforts to work.

Any advice from any of my green thumb readers is more than welcome! Either leave it here in the comments or email me if you have a lot more to say!