Lets start off with last night. I kind of remember having a dream with dolphins in it. I think that I was swimming and there was a dolphin there. It was familiar to me and it was swimming with me. That is all I can remember right now about that dream. This is significant because when Reverend Laura Bennett and I talked before Abbey’s service, she told me that in eastern american indian traditions dolphins represent a person who is moving between the physical and spiritual realms. So I view that dolphin in my dream as my Honey.
It was very interesting this afternoon. As I was walking into a store, I heard “Where are you going” by Dave Mathews Band. That was one of the songs that I put in the picture montage that was shown at Abbey’s service. Then when left the shop I looked over into a car by me and saw a Hello Kitty lunch box.
I was surrounded today by things that made me think of my Honey. I think that I will be having lots of that for a while.
One of the tough things that has been happening at the office is that many co-workers are coming by giving their condolences. I am very thankful for them stopping by but it interrupts my work and brings my thoughts back to Honey. I know it will slow down and eventually stop.
I will get through this.
This is a blog about us Honeys. We've been married for 6 years, live in Littleton, CO, have a Chihuahua named Dobby, a Rat Terrier named Scarlett, three awesome cats (all referred to as our Furry Kids!) and some fish.
In November 2007 I was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer of the liver) and nave been undergoing chemotherapy since December '07 & Proton Radiation Therapy at M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX from December '08 - February '09, and then back on eternal chemo until we get the tumor to shrink away from one salvageable vein in the liver so that it can be surgically removed. We use this blog to keep family and friends updated on our struggles, loves, challenges, celebrations, goals, ideas and the general daily grind!
In November 2007 I was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer of the liver) and nave been undergoing chemotherapy since December '07 & Proton Radiation Therapy at M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX from December '08 - February '09, and then back on eternal chemo until we get the tumor to shrink away from one salvageable vein in the liver so that it can be surgically removed. We use this blog to keep family and friends updated on our struggles, loves, challenges, celebrations, goals, ideas and the general daily grind!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Coincidence?
Posted by Pete at 7:33 AM
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6 comments:
It is a HUGE blessing to me that you share these things. I find her in places, too - but usually it's just me noticing things about her around me. I love that you shared this. Thanks.
Yes, you will.
Tonia said this morning that she had dreams about Abbey all night last night.
I think it's God letting us know everything's as it should be.
Pete,
Thank you for giving us these "things I remember." It does and will help to share with others. You and David are both in my prayers every day. I know and feel what you are going through. We all loved her very much. These memories we will have forever. The lovely poem on the leaflet from the memorial service is so beautiful. Can you tell me who wrote it? I remain,
your Grandmother (with love)
I've been randomly reading old conversations that I had with Abbey. It's rather odd. These files are 10 years old, but I keep coming across parts that seem to fit in with current things...
[10:18] Garnie> SWIMMING!
[10:18] Garnie> GOOD DREAM SYMBOL
[10:20] Garnie> that's an important dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[10:20] Garnie> AH
[10:21] Garnie> i don't even know how to start explaining it back to you
[10:22] Garnie> hehehehe
While reading some of these things, I find myself starting to laugh a bit. In a way, it feels wrong to do so... But, then I came across this:
[20:15] > I almost feel like I shouldn't be feeling as ok as I do...
[20:15] Garnie> ahhh
[20:15] Garnie> guilt for feeling normal
[20:15] Garnie> that's good
[20:15] Garnie> you're ok
[20:15] Garnie> life does go on
Jim
This reminds me of the conversations she & I would have where we would discuss our dreams with one another, the symbolism in them & the symbolism of everything else.
I was cleaning my house yesterday, listening to some tunes, singing along & shakin' my groove thing. A song came on - a song so positive & optimistic (Follow the Day by the Polyphinic Spree) that I refer to it as "emo repellent".
I thought to myself, out of nowhere, this song is like Abbey - unflinchingly positive & total emo repellent. I kind of teared up & laughed at the same time.
You will get through this. You've got a strong support system with all of us to help you out. Writing about it here (or anywhere) is good therapy, too. ;)
Yes, all the other comments are right . . . expressing these thoughts and sharing them will help. Your grief won't stop, Pete, but you will become accustomed to it. It can take years before "bringing your thoughts back to Honey" will be comforting instead of painful, but you will learn to live with your grief. Now, though, you can find comfort in all the people who share your grief and wish you well.
I'm so sorry that I wasn't there at the memorial service--it just wasn't possible. My donation will be made to the Cancer Center this weekend.
Love, "Auntie" Carolyn
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