Post-Thanksgiving

My feet and my calves are still swollen all the time. By the end of the day, the pain can often be debilitating. *hobble* *hobble* I can only wear my Crocs (sometimes) or my Ugg boots or my house slippers of late. We see my doctor before more CAKE on Friday and this swelling will take top billing on the list of things to discuss with her.

Bless my Honey - last night he helped me soak my feet and legs in a deep tub of Epsom salt and warm water for 20 minutes, hoping the salt content would draw the water out of there. Then afterwards, he gave me a gentle foot and leg massage to help relieve the pain (it basically feels, though does not look, like a bruise whenever that area is touched. The Epsom salt did very little as far as we could tell but the massage was delightful.

I have to take a particular medication about 20 minutes before I eat a meal (or just about anything but a protien shake) or else everything comes back up and that's no fun at all. Sometimes I forget to take it (like this morning) until it's too late. I hate this part.

It bugs me that both of the aforementioned symptoms have not improved the further away from my last treatment that I get. I was under the assumption that this stuff would all go back to normal but I guess it's just proof that the chemo is all still in me, doin' it's job so all I should do is shut my trap and let it do what it needs to do. ??? Again, all will be reviewed with Doc Kane on Friday. Pete is taking me this time.

As for Thanksgiving...well it was wonderful! We drove over to my Dad and Carol's for the day, did all that last minute cooking and such, filled up out plates and then our bellies! I haven't been *stuffed* like that in many months! It felt great! And to top it all off, I got to enjoy my favorite Peanut Butter Cream pie from Marie Callendar's that has the same thickness of sweet merainge as the thickness of the actual Peanut Butter pie filling! Mmmm...there's just a bit more in the fridge. I think I'll go help myself now! Yum!

Now you tell me...how was your Thanksgiving? Where'd you go? What'd you do? Do you have any traditions at Thanksgiving? We have one that I think you'll really like (if you haven't heard of or participated in it already!) but I'm not sharing till you do! COME ON LURKERS!!! PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT!!! When I see zero or just one comment on a post in a week's time, I assume nobody's reading this anymore but my Dad, Carol and Steve and Jane, all of whom I can keep in touch in a different manner! If you don't comment more often, then I won't post as often. Make sense? (That's why I added the questions for you part of almost every post - so I can get you to open up a bit and share on this blog, too! ) Here's your chance!

Pre-Thanksgiving

Howdy, all!
We're just getting ready for Thanksgiving here today. We're heading to my Dad and Carol's tomorrow morning to spend the better part of the afternoon stuffing our faces (shyeah, right! I couldn't stuff my face these days if you paid me to! I wish!), visiting and shooting guns off the back deck - that's what my family does!
This afternoon I will be making the obligatory green bean casserole (the Campbell's recipe, tried and true!), a corn pudding that's just about to die for from a friend of mine (who also happens to be Pete's cousin!), and, if I still feel like it, pumpkin bread with chocolate chunks (my dear family friend Jane taught me how to make it when she came out last year for my second chemoembo). That's not too much cooking, ya think? Luckily, Pete's headed home at noon so surely I can coax him into helping me. I know if I lure him towards the kitchen with those french fried onions that go within and atop the green bean casserole, I can get him to whip that one up for me (he did it last year!). We'll just take it slow and easy. No rush. I might just skip the pumpkin bread since we're picking up 2 pies from Marie Callendar's for tomorrow's dessert.

Me? I feel just fine. Low on energy every day but nothing a simple nap routine can't fix. Up at 7, eat breakfast, nap at 9 till 11, then up to be productive or work on the computer then mid-afternoon nap so that I'm alert in the evening. Let's just say it's a good thing that napping after all that eating is a nation-wide tradition on Thanksgiving day!
My feet are still swollen and the longer I'm up on them, the more swollen (and painful) they get. Thankfully, it's the appropriate season to be wearing my uber-comfy Uggs whenever we go out and about...they are cushy and have lots of room in them so my balloon-feet aren't super-uncomfortable.
I could fill an entire blog listing and describing the symptoms I experience on a daily basis and what I do (and/or what I take, medication-wise) to manage them, so I'm not even going to bother. What other choice do I have but to learn to cope with them? Yes, my doctor(s) know all about these symptoms and have helped me with the coping.

I get this week off from chemo (yay!!!) but then start a new cycle next week. I'm still in pain that comes and goes from the chemo I had three weeks ago but that was just because it was only two weeks after the chemoembo procedure -- so it was like chemo poured in an already-overflowing recpetical of chemo drugs. Now that was a painful couple of weeks!

Pete's reading a book for me by the brilliant Deepak Chopra called Quantum Healing. He can better describe what it's all about but after he's read a few chapters, he discusses the topics he'd just read with me which are mostly about the mind/body connection when it comes to healing (and just about anything else in our lives). Sure, it's all about positive thinking but NOT DENIAL. Denial that I am sick is extremely negative and toxic to my system, as far as I'm concerned. But with the positive thinking comes creative, healing visualisation. Remember almost two years ago now when I started chemo, I would envision thousands of little colorful stick-figure-type characters parachuting through my veins and onto the tumors, where they'd then whip out their tools such as jack hammers, pick axes, chainsaws, etc. then they'd get to work chopping away at destroying the tumor? Well, after the first couple visits to houston with not-so-good-news (tho not necessarily bad, either), I gave up on picturing those little guys, convinced that they just didn't work for me.
Now that Pete's been reading this book for me (I bought it for myself to read but I knew that my attention span would make it very difficult to plow through and understand the concepts in the book...I also knew that Pete is totally into that sort of stuff so that's how he ended up reading it for me: he reads it on the train to and from work and then summarizes some of the better stuff he's read when he's home), he's also helped me create a whole knew scene to visualize the destruction of the tumors. Someday I'll tell you all about it but for now I'd like to keep it to myself.
I'd love to hear from you if you have any ideas of other things I could visualize to help heal myself! If you've got any, please leave your suggestions in the comments section!

Dr. G wants a CT scan done ASAP so I'll get that scheduled for next week, I'm sure. He wants to see how the last procedure went and then seriously consider doing the RFA ("berry picking") on the three smaller tiny tumors on the other, healthy lobe of my liver. That's the next step.

I certainly don't tell you all everything that's going on in the cancer part of our lives -- partly because it's simply just our business but mostly because the shit we hear from doctors is hard to hear and absorb (yes, even the "good" news) so after we discuss and work out plans and solutions, etc with the docs, the last thing either of us wants to do is relay every detail, good and bad, all over again on this blog. So I just tell you the big, overall stuff. The stuff I want you to know. If anything seriously changes, I'll tell you that too. But for now nothing serious is going on and nothing serious is new or detremental to my current health. All of my symptoms (all 500 of them, it feels like!) are just symptoms of my body coping with either cancer or chemo or trying to live a somewhat typical life with the combination of the two. Sometimes I have to do absolutely nothing for a couple of days, while other times, I can get up and move move move! It feels weird and sometimes painful and it really really SUCKS. But Pete and I are getting through it and we're going to create the most positive outcome that we possibly can out of all of this.
Want to know what/how we believe? Take some time out to read or watch The Secret and that will give you a general overview of what we're working on now because as the medical procedure options begin to disappear, we realize that it's more my (our) responsibility to do as much self-healing as possible. That movie goes a bit overboard and sappy but the general idea is there. Check it out if you have time and interest!

Again, if you have any ideas of what I can visualize inside of me to help me heal, please describe it in the comments section! Or, if it's way too long and complex, feel free to email it to me and I'll read and respond when I can.

In the meantime, Pete and I and our furry kids all hope that all of our friends and family have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow, full of love and togetherness! And then, if you're into that midnight Black Friday Madness, good luck to you on that endeavor, too! (I'll be participating in the Cyber Black Friday from the comforts of my own home where, at midnight tomorrow night, I might just buy a few gifts as their prices drop online as well!)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yesterday

The port removal and replacement went very smoothly and easily yesterday. I now have two whole new sets of nurses and techs there at the hospital who know me and Pete since we've been there so frequently and in such a short time (almost three weeks to the day I was there for the chemoembo). The pre/post op nurses are great and I got to actually pick the one I wanted since I knew her from last time! Plus the nurses and techs in the operating room...I knew a couple of them from last time, too (so I got extra sleepy drugs to help me through the painful parts!)! So they took it out from the right side of my chest, closed it up nicely and put in a brand new one on the left side. It's all bandaged up and extremely sore but I'm doing alright. Pete has taken the day to work from home so he can help me manage around the house...how sweet is he?!

Uh Oh Power Port

When I first started chemo two years ago this December, my doc highly suggested I have a "Power Port" put in my chest so that my frequent blood draws and chemo administrations will be less traumatic to the skin and it will be much easier for the nurses to access my blood without having to find a viable vein (I'm sure you're all familiar with the *poke* *poke* *poke* of a "shy vein"?). Basically, it's a catheter located just beneath the skin on the right side of my chest. So I had it put in immediately and I never had to begin chemo without it!

Last year, sometime around my second chemoembo, the port site got infected and they had to remove it. While that area healed and I finished a round of antibiotics to kill the infection (it worked, thank goodness!) they put a PICC line into my arm instead. That sucked. I don't want to go into details on what that is and why it sucked, just trust me it made my life very difficult. But they wouldn't put a new port anywhere in my chest until the former site healed up.

It's been fine and beautiful ever since! All the nurses here and at MD Anderson applaud me for having a Power Point because it not only makes my life easier but it also makes their life easier, of course. I've had a successful blood draw on the first try every time ever since.

Earlier this Summer Pete and I and the nurses started to notice a blueish-blackish bump pushing against the underside of the skin right in the middle of the port. The nurses just assumed it was some strange result (maybe a scab? it takes me FOREVER to heal since chemo began!) from accessing the site so often for so long. I asked Dr. G (the same surgeon who did my chemoembo put in this port as well as the first one) about it in July and he said the skin tissue is thinning out in that area on top of the port because of being accessed so frequently with chemo and that it's a natrual and common result. To keep it from rubbing against clothing or anything else and then possibly pushing all the way through my skin (making it more suseptible to infection and/or bleeding) to keep a corn pad (for feet) stuck over it. I've been diligent with doing that ever since.

But then last night I noticed it looked and felt different. Pete and I examined it closely and realized that it has just now and just barely protruded through the skin. Just a tiny part. I cleaned it well, put a new corn pad and bandaid over it, then sent an email to all my docs, Dr. G, and Nurse Gari.

I just got an email from Gari saying it needs to be removed ASAP to prevent infection so he's trying to reach Dr. G to arrange for its removal tomorrow!

It will be done through conscious sedation (just like the chemoembo) so no eating a few hours beforehand but he says it probably won't happen until midday or early afternoon so I'm safe to eat breakfast and then wait. I'll send Pete off to work (he goes in at 5am!) and if I can get this taken care of tomorrow afternoon, I'll call him home and we'll head back to the hospital.

It's really very minor surgery, it just hurts is all. Dr. G likes me so hopefully he'll agree to not only remove this one but also put in a new one on the other side of my chest at the same time! I will NOT have another PICC line! I'd rather suffer through the burning and itching side effects of getting chemo through my arm for a while until he will agree to put one in on the other side! (I bet he'll do it tomorrow, though.)

Just wanted to let ya'll know that's going on. Don't panic. No worries. I started to panic last night but then I quickly realized that A) there's nothing I could do about it at 10pm, B) I was not bleeding at all so that was good and C) if it did start bleeding overnight, I would go straight to the ER and try to explain all this to them because the ER we use is NOT at UCH so they'll not be used to this at all! Worst case is that it gets infected but I'm taking good care of it so it should be okay at least for a day or so if needed. I'm keeping an eye on my email for more replies from Gari and also gave him my phone number to call if he hears anything before I get online in the morning.

We'll keep you posted, too.

A Good Cause

I know I've mentioned them before but this time I really want to promote something new and cool they're doing...

There's this great and ever-growing nation-wide, mostly online group called I'm Too Young for This (or i[2]y for short) which serves as a support and advocacy group for we "young adults" (ages between 15-39) with cancer. Matthew Zachary, the organization's founder, is not only an accomplished pianist but he also tours the country to spread the word that yes, even we young adults who seem so invincible on the outside are actually getting cancer at an alarming rate (70,000 per year!!!)*. He also runs a weekly radio program on XM Radio channel called The Stupid Cancer Show which overflows with information regarding what's going on behind the scenes in the world of cancer in young adults. As a bonus, Kairol Rosenthal (the author of Everything Changes: The Insider's Guide to Cancer in Your 20's and 30's which I have found to be extremely helpful over the past several months since its publication!) also co-hosts the show with Mr. Zachary.

I could go on and on and on explaining to you what they do and how they do it but why should I when their website is so beautifully and simply laid out that you can easily find all that information -and then some!- when you can just find it there! Simply click RIGHT HERE and you'll be on your way!

And now for the MAIN POINT OF THIS POST:

With so many colors of supportive silicone bracelets out there, how am I supposed to choose just one for my particular kind of cancer??? Remember those green ones I sent out last year that we to signify Liver Cancer? Well, technically speaking, I don't even have liver cancer...I have bile duct cancer within the liver and do you think there's a color, bracelet, or ribbon for that rarity? So how can you still show support? Well, that's simple, I can just go HERE and order one that says "Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation" and has a pretty tree with leaves on the neutral cream-colored background! But what if I don't only want to show my support for one particular cancer and I want to spread the word wider about young adults who are in no way immune to cancer, too? In that case, I would order ONE OF THESE via the I'm Too Young for This Foundation (which redirects you to the amazon.com purchase page)! Heck, I'll even wear both! (I had to stop wearing my yellow "Livestrong" bracelet for a while because it really pisses me off when I'm having a particularly horrible day! It's best to just leave it off my wrist for a while rather that cutting it into a million pieces and setting them on fire -yes, sometimes I do feel that angry about having cancer.)

If you get a chance or are at all interested in supporting this group, please order yourself, your family members, some of your friends, whomever some of these bracelets! As soon as I'm finished writing this post, I know I'm buying a small handful of them for just a couple people (not giving and sending them around like last time, sorry!)! It's cool that you can purchase them through amazon.com, I think. Also, look at the bottom of the page where you can see how else you may choose to advertise their endeavors (buy a T-shirt or a hat, order a new Visa card, etc). Finally, if you're on Facebook and are impressed with this organization but are not yet a fan, please do befriend Matthew Zachary, the heart and soul of the organization, so you can keep up with what's going on in the world of young adults with cancer.

* Here's a quiz for you....why do you think so many young adults are diagnosed with cancer, typically at a dangerously late stage? Leave your answer in the comments section if you'd like to and I'll post the answer in a couple of days.

The Other Side of the Storm

FINALLY!

FINALLY there has been a break in the painful storm and today I am feeling 85% better!
Sure, it was only two days that I didn't feel well but when you're in as much pain and utter discomfort as I was, it feels like a lifetime! I didn't sleep well last night but early this morning I got out of bed and went to sleep in the Retreat part of our bedroom (super comfy couch). I slept on and off there, too, and at 7am I came down, prepared a simple breakfast of cereal and juice and brought it back up there on a tray. After I ate, I crawled back to the couch and slept. Until 11:30.

And I think that was the key: sleep. Lying still. Putting my feet up (my calves were swelling so badly by last night so they, too, were contributing to the pain). Not moving very much for several hours on end. I may need a few more hours of that later today but for now I feel like being up and somewhat active (doing laundry in my awesome washer and dryer!).

I've got some other catching up to do around the interwebs so I'll keep this post short. Just wanted to let you know that my pain has subsided quite a bit. Today I start my three-day regimen of Neupogen shots so I'm hoping they won't cause me pain all over again as they work to regenerate my white blood cells. Gee. Isn't cancer FUN!?

No Good, But Thank You

No. Things are no good right now. I hurt a lot in my gut and my liver-area. I have achy bones as my body tries desperately to regenerate its own white blood cells to fight off the chemo without the help of the Neupogen shots (which I don't start until late tomorrow). I ache in my head, too. I'm having horrible dreams. I can't sleep soundly through the night. My fingers and toes feel like icicles. I'm on this new supplement and nutritional plan with the help of my therapist and nutritionist and oncologist but I barely want to eat anything right now, let alone take any pills that should not be taken on an empty stomach.

Thank you to the majority of you caring and loving people out there who offer me empathy, compassion and support. Many of you leave me messages here and on Facebook and via the US Postal service...messages of love and laughter, understanding and downright comraderie. You tell me you're praying for me but you don't overdo it. You say it once and then you tell me other things like what's going on in your life, with your kids of grandkids or anything else other than my stupid cancer. There are two special angels in my life who sends me a card in the mail every single week since my diagnosis (coming up on two years in the next week or so). And one of these angels tends to send me a wee little package of cheer in the mail about once a month or so. You know who you are but I'm not sure you two know just how much your cards and packages mean to me! I collect them all. I have a basket in a central location of our house in which I put your cards whenever I'm done opening, reading, giggling, and sharing them with Pete. I walk past this basket regularly/daily and from time to time I pull one out that catches my attention and I read it again as if for the first time. One of you has sent me the same card twice! I LOVE THAT YOU DID SO! Especially because it's a GREAT and poignant card!

I know there are dozens of others of you who care just as much as these two angels. You don't have to send me stuff to remind me you're out there thinking, praying, fighting, crying, pulling for me! I still know who you are and I can feel your love and compassison. I know you're out there and I can feel your healing vibes. They are strong and powerful as they blend into one and even though I still endure this awful pain, I know that it's all working to make me better...healing me.

Allow me to change the subject, please...

Back in June, for our anniversary, I set aside some money and gave it to Pete as a gift certificate so that he may enroll in a photography class of his choice at a somewhat prostegious photography company/school in Denver. Things have been so up and down and crazy all around since then so it wasn't until last week that he was able to actually enroll in a weekly class! This week is his second week of a 4-week-long class at the DenverDarkroom and I do believe by the look on his face, the bounce in his step, the giddiness of his voice when he speaks of it, that he truly loves this class and is thrilled to be able to get out of the house and participate in something just for himself, a hobby that he loves and is always striving to improve upon. Sure, the class runs late in the middle of the week, depriving him of much-needed sleep before work the next day but it's only for four weeks and I just know he's willing to sacrifice that special shut-eye for this awesome opportunity. And yes, of course, he can and probably will enroll in more classes after this, as our budget allows over time. Next time you see or talk to Pete, go ahead and ask him how his class is going. He'd totally love that! In fact, I'll see what I can do to get him to write up a post for the blog about his thoughts on the course. I'm sure it will sound even better coming from him!

Oh, and, Saturday night, we're actually going OUT with a group of my high school girlfriends and their significant others who can make it! We're going to a comedy show that doesn't even start until 9:30pm! That's right...I said IN THE P M!!!! We'll see if we can even keep our eyes open so late as we pretend to be in our mid-twenties all over again! Thanks, Karen, for putting it together!

Please stay tuned for an inspired post from Pete! ...Soon...

Results

The liter of fluid they drained from my upper abdomen the days after the inital chemoembo had been sent off to be tested (naturally, they test everything!). I was a bit worried about it but not too much. More like it has been floating around in the back of my head, creeping up on me only rarely.

Whatever. That doesn't matter cause the test results of that fluid came back negative for any cancerous cells (dead or alive). *WHEW*

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I do hope you've enjoyed our four week trip on the upward side of the Roller Coaster of Abbey's Life. We saw many sites, shared many laughs, ate several different kinds of foods for once and even used clear-headed brain power to do things quickly like sudoku puzzles and setting up two weeks worth of medication into meds packs with Honey! It was a fun ride, was it not? Even with that little detour to the hospital, we still had a good time.

Alas, ladies and gents, please pull your arms and legs safely into the car as we approach the unexciting climax of the Roller Coaster of Abbey's Life. Here, we'll take a short 5 minute intermission to meet with doctors, draw blood, have it tested and greet all the fun people in various departments. At exactly 11 o'clock, please return to the ride and prepare quickly as we proceed onward to to descending side of the ride. Some say it's a lot of fun. Others consider it quite lackadaisical. You make your own opinion, but be sure to bring your Carafate (so your mouth doesn't burn when you try to eat), your Zofran and Compozine (so you may settle your stomach and not vomit regularly), and last but certainly not least, your Xanax (to calm you down as you consider the many twists and turns the future may or may not hold for you. Oh, and please don't forget to bring along all the other colorful medications you can get your hands on because trust me, you're going to need them! Yes, all of them!

Here we goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Oh yeah, I forgot!

So, I KNEW I'd be getting back on my regular chemo schedule within a couple of weeks after the chemoembo but for some reason I didn't know that'd be THIS soon! This Friday, I'm back to the clinic for labs, meeting with oncologist and a refill of chemo! Joy!

Actually, I'm glad I'm doing it so soon. Otherwise I'd start worrying about how we're leaving the rest alone for too long...we need to keep hitting away at the nasties with chemo, No Holds Barred! So Daddy's taking me, Pete's joining our meeting with Dr. Kane via speaker phone, and then he's picking me up after work and bringing me home! Gotta love my Daddy...he's always there to take me to chemo at the last minute with very little notice (unless he's out of town hunting something or riding around on his ATV with Carol!). Thanks, Dad!

Here You Are!

I must apologize to ya'll for not posting more often. I know several of you depend on this blog to get updates on my health and how I'm doing in my overall life. It has recently been brought to my attention that I've neglected to keep it updated with such information, leaving many of you confused and possibly worried. Not all of you, I know, but I have heard from a couple of my readers who would like me to revise my devotion to updating my blog more often. So how about I start to post twice a week...about anything. If it's not about my health well then, assume that everything's fine (no news is good news) and also try to accept that I am way more than my diagnosis and my health updates, ok?

Let's see, where did we leave off....?

Oh yeah. I came home from the hospital and pretty much slept for two or three days. The weekend was relatively painful but I spent most of my time cozied up in our new bedroom "retreat" with the new and super comfortable furniture and lighting. Pete served as the most attentive caregiver I've ever known he could be, asking me frequently how I felt, if I needed or just plain wanted anything, etc. He spent lots of time near me as I rested and recovered because he knows how much just his nearness gives me good, strong energy. He's the best husband ever! Thank you, Honey! *MWAH*

So, the surgeon took a liter of fluid out of my abdomen, as Honey said in a previous post, and that's all I know about it right now. They sent it off to be tested but for what, I do not know and do not wish to think about. I'm scheduled to meet with my oncologist this Friday morning with Pete so maybe she'll have answers and explainations for me. I had been under the impression that we also had an appointment with my surgeon on the same day but I'm not entirely sure about that. I'm working with Nurse Gari via email to sort all that out!

By the way, have I told you that Nurse Gari and I have become email pen-pals who swap good book recomendations and other such conversations of the literary kind??? It's been super fun watching it progress from simply, "What are you reading now?" to "Tell me all about your favorite bookstore or how you like to buy books!" He reads the most obscure books in a variety of languages (okay, so far I've only heard of him reading a book or two in spanish) and I really admire that he can do that! Anyway, Gari will help me figure out all my doc appointments in the coming future.

As far as the recovery goes...I'm tempted to say, "what recovery???" I am serious! Today and yesterday I've felt almost 100%! As if I didn't have such surgery a mere week ago and spent two nights in the hospital hooked to a Happy Morphine Button! Dad and Carol came for a visit on Sunday and they both commented more than once that I certainly did not look like a patient who had been operated on less than a week prior! And that's really how I feel! My liver and/or tumor site does throb and feel pinched from time to time, mostly when I've been on my feet too long but I haven't let that happen much since I got home so I haven't had to take much if any of the extra pain medication my doc gave me for "breakthrough pain." That's good news. The incision site where the surgeon went in to perform the TACE is a bit tender but just from it rubbing against another part of my body when I walk since it's located at the very uppermost part of my thigh! I actually feel great! Dr Kane wants to get me back on systemic chemo asap (as do I, to tell you the truth...don't want to give those little tumors any free time to run rampant all willy nilly!) so while I'm trying to avoid going in this Friday to start back on chemo, the alternatives are 1) do it on Friday the 13th or wait even another week and do it on Friday the 20th. Well I'm superstitious enough to not have chemo on Friday the 13th but I can't bear to wait another week for it either! Nurse Gari offered that I come in on Thursday the 12th to avoid all of those problems which is actually a good idea. I just have to find someone who will take me to it on Thursday as opposed to my regular Fridays.

So all is well and shall continue to be so. Our house is wonderful and our pets are too. My Honey's just come down from being upstairs for a while so I'm going to sign off to go play with him now. More later...!