Affirmations

I was down in the dumps late last week. Got myself caught up in the icky depths of fear and "what ifs." It takes a while to get out of that hole and away from it. But with the help of open discussion with my favorite Honey and a few hours of compiling new affirmations, I think I've successfully escaped it for now!

Some people think they're silly. I used to, too. Remember Stuart Smalley on SNL in the 90's? "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And gosh darnit, people like me!" That's a great, if not sappy, example of an affirmation. It feels silly at first but if you say it and let your mind actually think about what each phrase of your affirmation means, it's amazing how easy it is to revamp your mood, train of thought, fears, etc.

For example, last week, without consciously choosing it, I started drowning myself in thoughts of fear, worry, grief, death, what ifs, etc. All the bad stuff. Specific stuff too. Imagining scenes of me being sick in the hospital or turning yellow from jaundice when my liver finally succumbs to the tumor. It was awful. And completely uncalled for. Nothing happened at all that would explain why I was thinking that way. Except that I am quickly nearing the end of my radiation treatment and one of my doctors said offhandedly, "If this doesn't work then there's nothing else we can do." My other doctors told me that is totally NOT true and everyone has faith in the fact that the radiation IS working. Anyway, my fears stemmed from the end of treatment here and having to wait in limbo for what I imagined would be six long, dreadfully worrisome weeks before I return for a CT scan to see how the radiation DID work on shrinking my tumor in the right spot(s).

Okay so you get the picture. I was all worried and scared and crying a lot and got caught up in a viscious cycle of unnecessary fear. And I knew that I was the ONLY one who would be able to pull myself out of it. I've got lots of friends and family who I usually turn to for pep talks and positive thinking tune ups and such. But this time was different. This was all me and I really needed to rely on myself to get myself out of this one.

I feel like I've worn out my first affirmation of "I'm cancer-free and I have a future." I've discovered that it is possible to think and feel something so much that it loses its genuine flare and meaning; it doesn't resonate in the heart quite as strongly after a while. So I got online and searched google for "affirmations cancer." A site called The Power of Words: Using Affirmations & (Subliminal) Messanging Programs for Recovery and Goal Achievement was the first link in the list. Frankly, the disturbingly long title and simple web design of the site sort of turned me off. But as I skimmed down on the long page, I saw dozens and dozens of affirmations that resonated in me! As I read many of them I thought, "HEY! That's me! I wanna think like that! YAH! That could totally work!" So I opened up a blank Word document and began retyping in it all of the affirmations on that page that I liked. I'd change some words around to make it fit me and my situation. And before I knew it, I was creating my own affirmations, building off of the ones I read on this site, personalizing their meanings to make it easier for me to connect to them. When all was said and done, I ended up with four pages of about 75 affirmations!

I printed two copies of my affirmation list. Then I cut them into strips of about 3-5 affirmations per strip. Finally, I walked around the appartment, methodically taping these strips on the walls, both sides of doors, on mirrors, the space just above the toilet paper holder, facing INTO the shower on the outside of the glass shower door! The fridge, the microwave, the coffee table, lamp shades, light switches...none were devoid of my affirmation strips! So as I wander through the apartment every day, I can't take 5 steps without encountering one of these notes. And I HAVE to take the time to read them and think about them. It doesn't really take long at all. Even if I just grab one from a particular strip that I happen to pass, and I ponder on that one phrase, it becomes engrained in me as I think about what it means, as I agree with it or coax myself into believing it, asking myself why shouldn't I believe it, and then feeling all the better afterwards for having read it.

Maybe you're wondering just what kinds of magical affirmations am I reading as I move through this temporary abode! Allow me to share a few of my favorites with you:
I forgive that part of myself that makes mountains out of molehills.
I forgive that part of myself that always feels fearful.

I am beating this cancer.
I am defying the odds against me.
I am a medical miracle.

I let go of worry and fear and I make room in my body for healing and love.
The more I let go the more powerful I am.
The more I let go the healthier I am.

I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be healed.
I deserve to live until a ripe old age.
I am as capable of being healed as any one else.

No matter what symptoms my body manifests, I am always increasing my health. I am always getting stronger.
I am open to my healing power twenty-four hours each day.
My pain is simply a reminder to open myself to healing energy.

Healing energy flows into my body no matter what I do or not do.
All the people around me are healing sources of love.
The life energy that created my body is now recreating it.

The river inside me is carrying away all of my cancer. I DO NOT NEED IT ANYMORE!
I let go of all the sickness in my body. I do not need it anymore.
I let go of all the ________ in my body. I do not need it anymore.

Okay so that was way more than "a few" of my favorites. But there are even more than just those. They really help get me going, keep me thinknig positively, comforting me.

So this is just one of the things I am doing as I work on healing myself of this cancer. I wanted to share it with you and exemplify for you the fact that it does work! And anyone can use affirmations fo anything! Hopefully, most people don't need quite as many as I have here but usually just one or two phrases constitute a good, strong affirmation.

Say, for example, a woman is working very hard taking care of everyone else in her life: children, her job, her husband, her friends, her household, etc. Everything but herself. And say, one day, she has to work all day at her job, then in the evening go straight to a couple of meetings and appointments and anticipates that she won't get home and into bed until 10:30 at night! Don't you wonder what's going on in her head as all this is happening? Let's just say, for argument's sake, that she is actually thinking, "I wish I had ten minutes to myself to just relax and chill out. But shame on me! That is such a selfish way to think!" as she gets up and keeps moving, working, caring for everyone and everything else in her life but herself.

This is exactly the sort of place an affirmation can help out. If I were commissioned to create one for her, I'd probably come up with something like: "Giving so much of myself to those around me gives me happiness and peace. I deserve the happiness and peace I get from giving so much to the people and things I care for in this world. I accept that I can only do so much for everyone else. I deserve to take 10 minutes each day to devote to myself." Or a combination of all that. And then, after reading and thinking on those for a few days, she may come to feel stronger, more peaceful and better able to give so much of herself to others. By taking 10 minutes each day just for herself to rest, or "chill", or read a book she loves or whatever it may be, and repeating her affirmations to herself, she may actually find that she has more to give! More energy or time or skills to offer up to others! Imagine that!

Maybe you, too, could try this. You don't have to have cancer or be depressed or even believe in anything in particular for affirmations to work. In fact, you can even still think that affirmations are silly. Maybe you continue to feel embarassed even thinking an affirmation, let alone saying one aloud when you're all alone in the bathroom with the door closed and nobody else is home. That's not a problem! The affirmations will still work! Try it out! Prove me wrong! I dare you to!

Up to date

My last treatment is in one week: on February 2. That's the day after my birthday! Horray! I am so looking forward to this being over, as it has caused me a huge sunburn in a very sensitive area inside and out! We'll hang out here in Houston another week for me to recover a bit more before hitting the road again on Feb. 9. We'll be home by Valentine's Day!

I have a great topic to share with you but I've lost my momentum for the day. Check back tomorrow.

P.S. Don't bother seeing The Love Guru. What a stupid movie.

A Much-Needed Discovery

Maintaining my positive attitude and strong resolve to survive this cancer is not easy to maintain all the time. When left alone, my mind tends to wander to the worst case scenarios and loss of hope and fears. The fears are the worst. If I think about them long enough, they tend to paralyze me. Honey tells me to avoid the fears, simply don't think about them. Most of the time, that works. Often, though, it's easier said than done. Damn those "What Ifs" I tell ya.

As previously posted, last week was especially trying for my Honey and me (and our Dobby). Thank you all for your concerns and well wishes. They mean a lot to us because they remind us you're all out there, behind us, rooting and praying for us, no matter what. But aside from the physical ailments, my aforementioned resolve began to falter...big time. I know I have my usual support system to lean on.

Sometimes, I am just not in the mood for those systems. I want or need something else to prop me back up. Something to remind me that I can beat this and that I'm not really alone (in that I'm not the only person with a rare cancer who has been cured). Spending three days wandering the halls of MD Anderson is certainly not the place to seek out such a new support.

Anywayyyyyyyy...I wandered way off my point. Which was, simply, my resolve was faltering late last week. And I suspect that Pete's was also.

This past Sunday, we got outside. Sure, Saturday we had run a couple of errands to the bookstore and Whole Foods but that wasn't particularly an adventure, which we've been meaning to do since we got down here a month ago! So Sunday we did a mini adventure. Honey wanted to "suit up" in his new Photographer's Vest with 100 various sized pockets for cameras, film and other such paraphernalia, go out and take pictures of a nearby park and fountain.

In the middle of a crazy roundabout, driving through which one literally takes one's life in one's own hands (!), is this beautiful trio of fountains.
Just trying to admire their beauty while driving through the roundabout is one reason why you'd be risking your life! The on the opposite side of the fountains is the main entrance to the Rice University campus.
Across the street from these fountains, facing the other direction on the curb is a large sign like the ones they have in front of a high school or other institution, announcing the name of the place behind it. This large sign says something about CANCER SURVIVORS PLAZA. Needless to say, this intrigued us so we walked over to it to explore.

What we discovered is, tucked back within lush plants and flowers galore, a small gazebo stands, carved mostly out of sandstone (maybe limestone?) with weather-worn green metal accents and its own fountain in the middle.

As I entered the little gazebo, I noticed a dozen or more large posts a few feet apart from each other all around the perimeter of the circle:

And on these posts seemed to be rectangular metal plaques with words on them. I turned to the first one just to the left of the entrance:
Oh.
My.
Goodness.
This gazebo is called the "Positive Mental Attitude Walk." !!!!! I did a quick scan around the gazebo again and realized that each plaque at every post had a supportive quote etched in the metal! What a perfect little haven to tuck away here in the corner of Houston...AWAY from the frantic Medical Center (which consists of, probably, 15 or more sky rise buildings that are all a hospital or clinic of some kind!).

I was so loving this!!! I turned to the plaque on the post opposite this one and saw another that explained why it was here:

"With appreciation to all cancer patients, physicians and scientists who have gone before so that the present treatments are available."

I strolled the perimeter and read each plaque slowly. I felt the words from each one penetrate my brain and reach my heart as I attempted to really understand its meaning. My Honey was kind enough to take a picture of all of them for me. Some of the plaques are difficult to read due to weathering over time and, also, Hurrican Ike busted through Houston last summer! Here they are (in no particular order). Click on an image to make it bigger if you so desire. Also, these are posted here in the opposite order they should be! It's too complex for me to go back and fix it so you should really read them from the bottom/last picture upwards!:

"Regardless of the prognosis, get an independent qualified second opinion."


"Find a qualified doctor in whom you have confidence, who believes he can successfully treat you."


"Realize that cancer is a life threatening disease but some beat it. MAke up your mind you will be one of those who do."


"Make a commitment to do everything in your power to help yourself fight the disease."


"Have plans for pleasant things to do and goals to accomplish."


"Seek and accept support."


"Treat your cancer promptly, properly and thoroughly and have a positive mental attitude."


"There are 7 million living in America who have been diagnosed with cancer. 3 million are considered cured."


"Cancer is the most curable of all chronic diseases."


"Some people have been cured from every type of cancer."


"There are treatments for every type of cancer."


"Make up your mind that when your cancer is gone, you are through with it."

This Positive Mental Attitude gazebo refilled my heart with hope and resilience! I felt recharged and ready to tackle another week of radiation treatments (despite the painful acid reflux it's now causing and my "sun" burned skin on my chest). Don't get me wrong, there was never any doubt that I would continue the treatments up to the last of the seven and a half weeks. It's just my resolve, my inner strength was weakening and needed just this kind of pick-me-up! It couldn't have been discovered at a more perfect time!

I vowed that, for the rest of the time we are here in Houston, the next time my strength falters or I start to feel negative again, I'll hop in the car and drive the six blocks down the street, fight for a parking space and go walk around this gazebo until I feel empowered again.

Here's one last thing about the experience. Just outside of the gazebo is a large, wandering tree with several long limbs that almost grew out of the ground with its trunk. I suppose it looked more like a large bush than a tree. Anyway, Honey noticed how smooth the bark on the tree was. Or maybe there was no bark and this was somehow the exposed "skin" of the plant? We couldn't tell but we enjoyed pondering it. And on this tree, hung a lonely little piece of blown glass (again, click on image to view it bigger):

Now, blown glass is typically used as an art media. This one had been carefully sculpted and colored with a smoky and creamy white hue. But it was all alone on this gorgeous tree, just a couple of feet outside the gazebo.

I wonder why it is there? Maybe it's just a fluke and someone made a scrap piece of art and hung it there for fun. Or maybe it's leftover from a ghosty Halloween decoration in the park. And yes, admittedly, it looks a little bit like, um, well.........it looks a lil like a sperm. I came to my own dreamy conclusions that maybe I'll share with you later. But for right now, I'd like to read what you think that blown glass ornament is doing right there. Please leave your ideas in the comments section!

Oh Happy Day!

Have you noticed that I very rarely, if ever, mention anything of a political nature on this blog? Well, I don't. Mostly because I simply don't like to discuss politics at all. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and such discussions usually transform into a debate, which I really can't stand.

Anyway, today I am breaking away from custom for a short time.

Today I CELEBRATE the inauguration of our FIRST African American President of the United States! I'm a full-blooded independent but I am all for this guy! He presents incredible speeches and is able to easily instill a sense of hope for the future of our country. Sure, the critics say he's all talk and no action but now he's in the perfect position to DELEGATE! He'll set up the plans, present them to his people and delegate the work among the powers that be! Thus, holding everyone accountable for their own actions or lack thereof!

After my doc's appointment, I sat in the waiting room with others to watch his inauguration speech and although I wanted to see him be sworn in, my attention span had maxed out so we had to leave. Walking through MD Anderson today around 11:30 was a trip! Everyone seemed to have stopped what they were doing to gather around a TV somewhere and stare, open mouthed, some with smiles, some clapping and nodding their heads furiously while others wore sour faces and had their arms crossed tightly against their chests. To each his own, right?

I can feel the excitement in the air and I resonate along with it!

Image borrowed from FoxNews.com

So congratulations to the Obama family - may this be the beginning of a season of change and hope for the future!!!!!!

Chaos in Illness

It never stops around here, I swear!

The past four days have been quite eventful for us! To summarize and avoid boring you with all the gory and painful details, I shall list them here:
1. Honey came down with a nasty cold last weekend.
2. He thought it was a sinus infection so we got him into a nearby doc who gave him antibiotics and nasal spray.
3. As Honey got better, I started to feel pain in my chest.
4. Thinking it was a cold I was shuffled around between a couple of MDA's finest clinics with the hopes of warding off the cold ASAP.
5. Turned out to not be a cold afterall. It was just my GERD severly acting up as a result of the "internal sunburn" I have acquired in my chest from the radiation beams. (The sunburn is visible on the outside, too).
6. I walked around in a hunched over position in order to minimize my pain. This caused some seriously pulled muscles in my shoulders, neck, chest and back. Also gave me bad back spasms.
7. I got muscle relaxers and pain killers instead of antibiotics and nasal spray.
8. Honey's cold is much much better! (thankfully!)
9. My pain is slowly but surely improving as I regularly toss back prescribed pain killers, ibuprofen, muscle relaxers (only when I really have to...I hate the way they make me feel!), and even more fancy prescribed antacids while sleeping in an upright position.

Needless to say it's been a very challenging week for us. But we got through it in good spirits and we did it together! :) We are so very thankful that we get to use the free shuttle that runs between the proton radiation center and MDA's main hospital (they're just a couple miles apart)!
Dobby is way better, too! He only scratches when we forget to give him his Benedryl. He goes back to the vet next weekend for a check up on his status. I imagine we will have to continue giving him Benedryl until we get back to Colorado. As long as he's not in pain or agony, we are fine with that!

Over the past few days, though, I have thought of some topics for my blog here so stay tuned...eventually I'll have the time and the energy to share them with you! Promise!

Happy weekend, everyone!

Dobby's Itchy n' Scratchy Show

Ugh. Ever since we got to Texas, including while we were still on the road and staying in hotels, Dobby has been scratching himself raw! If he wasn't scratching his face or under his arms or belly, then he was chewing on his front paws, the dew claws, his arms. It was horrible! And it got progressively worse! We put flea and tick medicine on both dogs as soon as we arrived at the hotel. I searched his little body from head to toe for fleas, to no avail. No little jumping buggies on him! I also looked for bites of any kind, sores, or rashes. Nothing. All clear. Next we gave both dogs a bath in their oatmeal shampoo, because sometimes that works at home. It did not relieve him of the itching this time. So then I assumed he was just scratching out of nervousness, a sort of obsessive compulsive thing, since he's been away from home for so long and he's still tired of competing with Scarlett for attention. THAT wasn't it.

We have a Wellness Plan through Banfield which is located inside most Petsmart stores. Pete had already taken him the week before to get his (Dobby's, not Pete's!) rabies shot, which was due this month. At that time, the vet had given him a general look over check up but did not notice anything out of the ordinary except that he had a sty sort of infection on his eyelid, for which he sent home some cream that Pete applies twice a day.

Anyway, he was still scratching. I do not exaggerate when I say that if he wasn't asleep, he was scratching. He wouldn't eat. He wouldn't beg for food. He was grumpy whenever we'd take him for a walk outside but he would continue to leave "pee mail" for the other dogs on all the little bushes in the doggie courtyard.

On Friday morning, after my radiation treatment, I noticed a big bump on his head. Then I noticed about 4 other smaller ones below it. I showed Pete and we hummed and hawed over what it could be. While we were discussing it, another large one appeared on the other side of his head and some more along his jawline. I reluctantly agreed when Pete suggested we wait out through the weekend and if it's the same or worse on Monday, we'd take him to the vet. Within five minutes of Pete "going back to work" (ie going back into the other room and shutting the door), I noticed and felt a gigantic bump or something very hard under his chin, more on his throat area, under the skin. I started to think that if these bumps continued to grow at this rate over the weekend, this one on his throat would probably block his airway within a day or two. I refused to take the risk.

I got on the phone with a local Banfield and they told me to bring him in immediately. I grabbed Pete from his office and we were on the road within minutes.

As it turned out, the vet confirmed that Dobby was breaking out in hives from an allergic reaction to something he's encountered here. More than likely it was one or more of those small bushes in the courtyard I previously mentioned. It really didn't matter which one it was, all we wanted was for Dobby to get better, and feel better for that matter! It was heartbreaking to watch him do nothing but scratch incessantly for the past week!

The vet gave Dobby two shots: a steroid to bring down the inflammation and some super-charged Benedryl-type stuff to calm down the allergic reaction. Within a handful of hours, most of the bumps on his head and face were gone and the one on his throat had decreased significantly. The vet sent us home with some steroids in pill form (just like the kind Dobby was on when he was less than a year old for those unknown allergies) and a strict schedule of Benedryl and steroid pills for the next two weeks or so. And we're to bring him back in for a check up in two weeks as well.

WHEW! Dobby is much better now! He's a happy boy again! He wags his tail and eats his food (I had been adding boiled rice to his dog food just to get him to eat and for about a day he protested eating unless I gave him more rice again! He's a smart little Chihuahua!). He even plays with his sister again! The steroid makes him have to potty more often and in greater quantity (fortunately that's #1 instead of the other kind!) so we do take him out more often than we were before. But now, when we take the dogs out, we keep a strict lock on the length of the leashes so that they can't reach the small bushes that we pass before we get to the grassy areas. We don't even want Scarlett (who doesn't have such an allergic reaction) to wipe up against one of them and bring in to share something from the plant with her brother. Alas, he has to leave his pee mail on the sides of the electical boxes and on the lamp posts out there in the courtyard as he is banned from the bushes!

I'm so glad our little man is so happy again. We could just see the relief on his face by the time we brought him home from the vet on Friday. He hasn't scratched at all since then! Horray! Good dog!

I told you so!

See? I told you Slumdog Millionaire was a great movie! They hauled in a grip of Golden Globes last night: Best Director, Best Musical Score, Best Screenplay and, the biggie, Best Dramatic Film!
Bless them for whopping the butts of the same ole boring and talentless Brad Pitt, Leo DiCaprio and the like! (no offense)
This gorgeous movie comes from far out in left field! Quite violent and gross in the first 15 minutes or so. The another disturbing incident involving a hot spoon a bit later in the film, which caused me to cover my eyes. Otherwise, it's GORGEOUS!
It's an incredible story, fantastic cinematography, and a stunning, though heartwrenching, look at life in the lower caste streets of Mumbai. The kids who acted in this film were beyond believable!

I'm just amazed that those boys (what were they, like, 5 years old?) could pull off acting such intensely dramatic roles! And really, I just love it when the little independent nobody's-ever-heard-of films win it big at the awards!
The first time I heard of this movie, Pete had come home about two weeks before we left for Houston, telling me about this movie and to be honest I thought it sounded like a bunch of hooey, not to mention the fact that I couldn't for the life of me remember its title! But when we got out here and Deborah wanted us all to go to a movie, I saw that his movie was playing here (somehow, I recognized the name!) we jumped on the opportunity to see it. Ever since then, we've been telling random people about it and everyone just says, "You saw what??? Never heard of it!" as they walk away shaking their heads, thinking we're loony.
Well now you have heard of it!
Honey told me so and then I turned around and told YOU! SO NOW YOU MUST GO SEE IT! (we'll see it again with you when we get back home if you can stand to wait that long!)

P.S. I downloaded the soundtrack yesterday and if you appreciate good music with some deep techno beats, pick this one up! It's only $8.99 on iTunes!

Meet Deborah, one of my guardian angels

Lookie here! This is me and Deborah last night at Southwell's where she and Pete enjoyed big, greasy, and (supposedly) tasty burgers. Too greasy for me, though, so I had a BLT. Anyway, it was a good time and we enjoyed visiting with her.

Deborah is my mom's oldest friend. They grew up together in same little town in Illinois from Kindergarten all the way through college, I believe. And, as often is the case with BFF's, my Grandmother (mom's mom) was Deborah's "Second Mother." When I was quite a bit younger and would spend time in the summers camping with her and her family, Deborah would serve as my Second Mother, too! Deborah is one of my two godmothers, though lately I've considered her more of a guardian angel to me.

She has a son (Will) who is a senior at West Point now and a daughter (Jackie) about my age who's husband is in the army so they recently relocated to Seoul, Korea. I've been catching up with her via Facebook recently and she's got four kids, including an adorable new baby boy!

Together with her husband Bill, Deborah has been in the real estate business here in Houston for many years. So when we got down here, she gave us a packet full of magazines, brochures, and coupons of various places to shop, eat, and get necessities done around town! Plus, she's been a great help for us when we want to go venture out and find a new restaurant or nicer grocery store to try! (Our second day here, we ended up at a grocery store where I was pretty sure we were the only white people shopping there. We felt a bit intimidated, to say the least) Typically, we'll decide what kind of food we want then I'll text message her asking her something like, "Where should we go for good pizza and pasta?" (like I did last week) and she'll simply tell us the name of the restaurant (it was Star in this case) and it's cross streets. From there we look it up on Miss GPS and head on out! And boy was she right on that one....yummy pasta! And I think we're going back soon for pizza. She also directed us to the super nice grocery store where we weren't so much of a minority.

Also, so far, about once a week she'll meet us someplace for an outing. Last week it was a movie at that giant theater I told you about and last night it was burgers in the Med Center. Who knows what next week will bring! There were words floating around us during our departure hugs like "greek" and "gyros," "art museum" and "exhibit on the brain at the science museum." I'm sure it'll be great whatever it is!

So here's the real juicy part...

Deborah is the person who got us on the fast track into MD Anderson and Dr. Wizard immediately after my diagnosis in 2007. Typically, if a newly-diagnosed cancer patient wants to go to MD Anderson for a second opinion, they have to send in all of their medical info and wait for their case to be reviewed for 7-10 business days before they learn if they'll even be accepted or not. If they are accepted, apparently they come to the hospital and see a general oncologist or internist who, after seeing (let's say) her in the exam room, may or may not redirect her to a doctor specializing in her kind of cancer. Lucky for us, I know Deborah who knows the head of Pharmacology (?) so she put a call into her pharmacy friend and described my story and diagnosis. This lady (her name is Judy) was amazing! Immediately after hanging up with Deborah, she"marched right down the hall and knocked on Dr. Curley's door." (that's how Deborah put it back then!) She then presented my case to him in a nutshell and he told her to have me email my most recent CT scans and diagnosis reports directly to him. None of this "wait in line and hope and pray that you're sick enough to be part of the cool club!" Within 24 hours I had an appointment scheduled for a week later with Dr. Curley himself.

Now do you see why I think of Deborah as one of my guardian angels? (Just to clarify: I do not believe a person has to be deceased in order to be a guardian angel, even though sometimes they are too, like my Grandma P. and my Mom.)

Last night she said that she rarely has time to stop and read our blog but she's been meaning to lately. I'm going to remind her of the address via email in a minute. So if you get here and are reading this, Deborah, I want to thank you from the bottom of both Pete's and my hearts for everything you've done for us to get us to the best doctor possible for me and making us settle in and get comfortable in our move here to Houston! We love you!

Abbacadab...what's this????

This, my friends, is Abby Cadabby!
Now, all you mothers of young Sesame Street-watchers out there...how come you never told me about her???!! I just learned about her whilst watching this past year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! I was watching, pretty much bored to tears but doing it anyway in honor of my Grandma P., when all of a sudden, I see this ginormous pink and purple Sesame Street character float that I've never seen before! I was shocked to see she had wings and a sparkly dress and a magic wand in her hand too! These are all things that I love! Imagine my complete surprise and excitement when I learned that her name is Abby! Like me (only spelled differently, of course)!!! A quick search on the internet revealed this:

Abby Cadabby is a fairy-in-training who lives on Sesame Street...
Abby's magical powers are limited to popping in and out of thin air, floating when she's happy, and turning things into pumpkins. Although familiar with the world of fairy tales, Abby is astounded by such basic learning skills as drawing letters or counting, prompting her catchphrase "That's so magical!" She frequently uses her wand cell phone to call her mommy. When she's asked to return home, she often says that she's "gotta poof." ...
She can speak a language called Dragonfly...
Tony Geiss conceptualized Abby as a way to simultaneously introduce a major female character to the show and add someone from a different culture, without "having consciously to introduce somebody from Indonesia or India."^[2] Abby's design is an intentional departure from the typical Muppet look because she's not originally from Sesame Street. The implication is that the fairies in her old neighborhood look like her.

She's adorable!!! The one in the first picture is what Honey got me for Christmas since, immediately after seeing her at that parade and learning more about her on the web, I declared that she would be my newest character obsession (joining the characters of Tinkerbell and Hello Kitty). Sure it's childish but as a preschool teacher, it's important for me to remain "in the know" of what kids are into these days (although I usually pretend that Barney does not exist). And really, you all know me...I, like my dear father, refuse to grow up!!!

Abby Cadabby and I actually have a lot in common beyond our awesome names, what with the love of letters and all things magical. I've never seen her on Sesame Street. To be honest, I don't actually watch Sesame Street (anymore). But I caught these bits of her via YouTube, if you'd like to see her in action:

i love words
2 mins 39 sec




on the Today show
3 mins 37 sec




Well, that's it for me today! Like she says, "Gotta poof!!!"

The WebCam is stalking me

Honey thought it might be cool if I took a picture of myself (or us) and post it every time I blog. I dunno about that. Sometimes when I blog, I'd just rather ya'll not see me, ya know? So, maybe, from time to time, you'll get a picture like this.

Here we are in our apartment. See Honey back there working on his puter (actually, he's on the phone with my daddy, lending his computer skills). That's our kitchen there behind him. The TV area is just between my back and Honey. And here I am at the other end of the main room, sitting at a desk in front of three tall windows that look out to the pool/humongous water fountain. During the daytime, sometimes, I like to gaze out these windows at the pool, the fountain, the palm trees, and the dozens of other apartments that over look that same scene, and pretend we're actually at a classy resort, "wintering" in the Bahamas or something like that. It's a fun and frequent daydream that I enjoy!

Treatments are going well. After each session, I end up asking the techs/therapists/nurses all kinds of questions I've thought of that particular day. I'm learning a lot about this thing. I'm pretty sure that by the end of my 40 treatments and all these questions, I'll be able to run the whole thing by myself! I'll be a Proton Genius!

It hurts my tumor. It really beats the crap outta my tumor. Which is exactly what we're going for. It hurts me though. I can take it, that's for sure. I'm convinced that because it hurts so much, that means it's actually working, chipping away at The Big Nasty. I've already grown to love The Machine as it whirrs and turns and clanks around me every morning. I don't mind the cold hard metal "bed" that I have to lie completely still on while The Machine does its thing. And everyone there is so very nice. In fact, a group of patients and their caregivers had gotten to know each other over their 6 weeks of treatments and it was cute to watch them all gather and bring treats to share with everyone. It was mostly cute to watch them all work so diligently on a puzzle every morning. The other day, though, one of these patients was completing his last treatment so they had a big graduation ceremony for him. Tons of breakfast treats, lots of friends and family gathered round, pictures were taken and he got to bang the gong in the hallway which I was told was reserved for just such an occassion. Kudos to him and his caregiver(s) for enduring the long and winding road that is radiation treatments!

I hope everyone had a nice New Years Eve. We stayed in, as usual, and struggled to keep our eyes open until midnight. We are definitely getting old. We admitted to each other that it will be a sad day when we start sleeping straight through midnight on New Years' Eve! Which got me wondering...

How many of you stayed awake long enough to watch the ball drop???