More healing

Healing takes time and patience. I've been on two serious pain killers for two weeks now and starting today I'm trying to step back to just one - the one I've been on for almost a year now that keeps the regular pain at bay (most of the time). But I don't have the energy that I thought I would have. Just showering and getting dressed actually wears me out.

Jane has been incredible around here! Every time I turn around, she's making our bed or emptying the trash or cooking something good. She was out most of the weekend, tending to their house in Parker and spending time with her own doggie Lucy who's been staying at the Parker house with her BIL. She's heading home on Friday or Saturday, depending on the weather. She has really spoiled us around here! Our sink hasn't had a dirty dish in it longer than 5 minutes with Jane around! I'm not sure I can go back to the way things were before she came!

Friday I start regular chemo again. Although, with Thanksgiving and our trip to Houston coming up, we won't be doing the usual three week cycle. Probably just two weeks then the week of Thanksgiving off, then maybe the following week have chemo and then off to Houston. We'll see. I've learned to take things one week at a time!

It's cold and grey and yucky here today. I think it's supposed to snow a little this afternoon. I wish it would hurry up and get it over with. The cold, grey sky gives me the blues.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go see my ShrinkyDink, possibly for the last time. You know how she stood me up a couple weeks ago. Well, I left her multiple messages and didn't hear back from her for well over a week. She claimed to have had bronchitis and laryngitis. She further claimed to have left me a voice mail at home (I heard no such message). Considering this is the second time she stood me up, and since her office manager up and quit on her several months ago, I've seen a stack of bills piling higher and higher in her kitchen (she practices out of a house in Denver). That house is a mess, dirty and dusty and she ran out of soap in the bathroom months ago and I'm not really sure she's ever washed the towels in there. It's kind of gross.
When she finally called me last week, I let her know how angry I was and how much I needed to talk to her before my surgery. She weakly apologized but went on to say she doesn't have anyone to help her out. Like that's supposed to be my problem? I'm supposed to feel sorry for her? She's my SHRINK! If my mom were alive, she'd be having a field day with this and all the boundaries ShrinkyDink has crossed by just mentioning that to me!

Anyway, it all adds up to no good. Honey thinks I deserve better and I suppose I agree. All of that sounds pretty awful. Plus, she hasn't charged me or my insurance company once in 2008! What's that about? Absentmindedness, I believe.

But it's just not that easy to walk away from 5 years of therapy with her. She's helped me through so much and sure I can live with out her but...

The last few sessions I've had with her she's gone on and on about how much I've grown and learned and how she sees a different and stronger person in me than she did when we started years ago. I suppose I should just take that and put it in my pocket and walk away with a smile on my face. Maybe she needs some time to get her own shit together. Yeah. It's the best thing for everyone.

That doesn't mean it's easy, though.