Update on Mr Honey

This was stolen and edited from an email I sent out recently.

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I am hanging in there. I have the waterworks going every now and then. When I was at the airport in Boston I saw something that reminded me of Abbey near the end. It was tough and I had to put on my sunglasses to hide my moist eyes. I was catching up with a friend on the phone last night and was explaining how on Valentines day Abbey and I would give each other monkeys...that was our thing. I still have all those monkeys up above the TV in the living room.

I am doing my best to move on with life. The darkroom in the basement is pretty well done and I have developed 4 rolls of film down there. I found that there were some pictures of Abbey that I had forgotten about. I have been printing out pictures that I have taken and building up a portfolio. Not sure what I am going to do with it yet. I have also signed up for a photo trek. I am going to Vietnam and Cambodia in February with a program called the "Mentor Series". They setup trips all over the world and put together these great photo trek packages. There will be two professional photographers that will be on this trek with us and each day we will take 5 of my best photos and the pros will give me a critique and advice for the next day. I am really looking forward to it. The trip is pretty well packed with photo locations and full days of exploring local villages and temples. I am thinking about where I can go next...I have a travel book upstairs and have earmarked quite a few different pages.

We finally sold the 4Runner to one of my cousins. She will be coming out on business next weekend and will pick it up then. A lot of people ask me if I feel ok in this house with Abbey gone. I think that the work that mom and Carol did helped out more than I will ever know. If I was here to try and pack up Abbey's stuff I would have wanted to go through each and every little thing and it would have been long and arduous task. There is still plenty here that reminds me of my honey, but I think it is at a much more manageable level.

So far this year I have been to 3 funerals and missed one because of work. 4 funerals in 3 months seems just crazy to me. One of those funerals was for a former co-worker. He used to work for me at FRII and we hired him when he was just 16. He was a smart and cocky kid. He had a wife and two kids. I found out this past Monday that he had jumped out of the 20th floor window of a hotel in downtown Denver to commit suicide. I talked with my mom about it and I just don't understand what can be so bad in a person's life that they have to end it and take their own life. I don't know. Mom just always has the right words.

Life is a strange thing and I think it got stranger for me back in 2007. My sense of what a normal life is changed back then. My life was no longer normal. Abbey and I kept wanting it to go back to the normal that we knew before but that was not to be. I don't know that we ever came to grasp the fact that what we were living was our new normal. We didn't grasp that because we did not want it to be our normal. My normal changed again in August. I have decided that as of now I am going to make my normal. I have that choice...I have that ability.

No matter what I have been through up to this point in my life, I would do it all over again.

Things will get better.

Thoughts of Mrs Honey

So I went for a little motorcycle ride today. I wanted to go up Deer Creek Canyon but the road was closed for a bicycle ride. So I turned around and headed south. I went down to Perry Park road and went to Palmer Lake. I didn't want to ride too far so I turned around in Palmer Lake and came home. One the way home I noticed a couple on a bike in front of me. It reminded me of when Mrs Honey and I would ride together. For a moment I pictured her behind me leaning forward and talking in my ear. She told me "I love you". It makes it difficult to see when you are on a motorcycle and tears are coming out of your eyes.

It was a happy moment. I miss her and think of her often.

Late night thoughts

Tonight I thought to myself..."I just can't believe that she is gone."

Coincidence?

Lets start off with last night. I kind of remember having a dream with dolphins in it. I think that I was swimming and there was a dolphin there. It was familiar to me and it was swimming with me. That is all I can remember right now about that dream. This is significant because when Reverend Laura Bennett and I talked before Abbey’s service, she told me that in eastern american indian traditions dolphins represent a person who is moving between the physical and spiritual realms. So I view that dolphin in my dream as my Honey.

It was very interesting this afternoon. As I was walking into a store, I heard “Where are you going” by Dave Mathews Band. That was one of the songs that I put in the picture montage that was shown at Abbey’s service. Then when left the shop I looked over into a car by me and saw a Hello Kitty lunch box.

I was surrounded today by things that made me think of my Honey. I think that I will be having lots of that for a while.

One of the tough things that has been happening at the office is that many co-workers are coming by giving their condolences. I am very thankful for them stopping by but it interrupts my work and brings my thoughts back to Honey. I know it will slow down and eventually stop.

I will get through this.

Celebration of life

We will be celebrating Abbey's life this Thursday at 3pm. The celebration will be held at Horan & McConaty on County Line road. 5303 E County Line Rd. Centennial CO. 80122.

In lieu of flowers please log in to www.cufund.org and make a donation to the Cancer Center. Abbey and I spent quite a bit of time with the wonderful people at University of Colorado Hospital Anschutz Campus. Abbey's doctor was very compassionate and worked very hard for Abbey. The staff in the infusion center grew to be our friends. With many days spent getting infusions, both Abbey and I talked with the nurses and staff sharing stories, fears, and laughter. The donations made to the Cancer Center will help with equipment/supplies that are used on a daily basis.

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts, prayers, and comments. I think all will be helpful for us as we cope.

Pete